The dividing curtain between first and “economy” class.

Written on 8/18/09

I’m currently at 36,000 feet, traveling 454 mph, sitting in seat 16D, and am 2 hours and 20 minutes into this lovely 4 hour and 45 minute flight. It just so happens that my seat does not recline, so my brief and frustrating catnaps have come to an end. A fun traveling tid-bit for all you frequent fliers out there, the seats in front of an exit row do not recline, no matter how hard you push, or how many flight attendants you ask. The reclining of my seat is a potential safety concern should we have to use the emergency exits and I some how sleep through the screaming and or the large boom of impact. I digress. Somewhere between my semi-conscious state between naps and the riveting in-flight movie about a travel guide falling in love with the tour bus driver, I noticed yet another interesting perk of flying first class. Just to clarify, I’m currently sitting in “economy”, joining the 150-200 people behind me with jealous hearts who are staring up into this exclusive club of “first classers”. They have the usual perks, food, booze, a hot towel or two. Now the folks here at Delta must have really thought this one through. In an effort to reign in control over possible riot activity from the hoodlums back in economy, they thought it best to add a privacy curtain to further show us the full truth that we are definitely not invited to that party, and to give them the impression that we are definitely not invited to their party. What seems most comical about this is that the aisle way is a total of 4.5 feet wide. Of that 4.5 feet, the curtain only covers about 3 feet of the total “privacy wall” area. What makes this even better is that the damn curtain is completely see thru. It’s like teasing a dog with a bone through a glass window. My face is hard pressed against this invisible privacy wall, and I’m licking the glass.

A guilty pleasure of mine while flying is the SkyMall magazine. There is a small part of me that looks forward to the first 30 minutes of each flight for the simple reason of flipping through and finding the things that will make my life more livable. It reminds me of walking into what once was The Sharper Image and being amazed that there was so much amazing things that I needed. How could I have survived so many years with out this wind and solar charger for my small electronic devices? And my poor dogs, living all these years with out a step ladder to assist them with getting up on furniture or the safety ramp that assists them in getting in and out of the pool. I feel so incomplete. I seriously love this magazine; I’m contemplating getting a home subscription. I just found an add for the “Slanket”, SkyMall’s answer to the ever popular “Snuggie”. With all of this great stuff to buy it amazes me that we are still in a recession.

I think that altitude drastically effects the portion of my brain that controls the sarcasm. I also think that the sarcasm section is neighbors with the part that controls my ability to charm older women. As we got higher and higher, I became quite the charming fellow to the older broad sitting in 16E. (Sigh…) if only I were 40 years older. I think I’m going to return to whatever music is on my iPhone and maybe try for one of those catnaps again. To all you upper cuff yuppies beyond that curtain, I have but one thing to say to you.. Enjoy it while it lasts, because soon I will be joining you, and bringing as much hoodlum economy class shenanigans as I can hold. Your days of quiet dis-concern for all of us back in the ghetto are numbered.

_Ben Ringel